Make Air Jordans Sexy Again

On any given day, you might catch me in a pair of Air Jordans. I just bought my second pair of Flu Game XIIs. I wore black VIIs to work on Tuesday. I was wearing black VIs when my girl beat me twice at HORSE on Saturday. My shooting is currently ultra un-Mike-like, unfortunately.

All that is to say I'm a big fan of Air Jordans. But here's the crusher: I haven't truly loved any new pair that's come out since the XVIs. Yesterday Jordan Brand unveiled the XXXIs. They're cool. But like each pair that's dropped since 2001's XVIs, I'm not planning on getting a pair. That's 15 years of "Meh." A decade and a half of, "Not really feeling their latest, but I'll be looking out for the retros." They've got "Banned" written on the soles, because the original Jordan 1s (which the XXXIs are inspired by) were banned by the NBA due to their black and red color-way not properly matching Michael Jordan's Bulls uniform. There's more about that in this story here.

From the look and description of the XXXIs, they appear to be amazing performance sneakers. They probably are a delight to run and jump in. To make hard stops and defensive slides with. But they're not sleek. And they damn sure aren't sexy. Look at the XIs, the 1s. I can't imagine Michael Jordan--whose one of several nicknames was "The Black Cat"--wearing these. They're too chubby for a cat.

Gone are the days, I suppose, of Jordans that you want to wear as much off the court as you do on. (Why is the Jumpman on the back heel so big?) I don't want to wear the latest Js with my jeans. Nah. And that's a bummer. But hey, the retros are still booming. The 1s will have their umpteenth re-release this September. The OG Vs drop in a matter of days. I want both. So while I hope Jordan hires one of these lux designers that are jumping ship from couture houses to make Air Jordans street-style sexy again, I'll settle for blasts from the past. Now pardon me. I have to iCal sneaker release dates.

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